Confessions of an incurable office gossip and why I don't regret a word!

“Marionnnnn!”

Like clockwork, I heard my boss yell my name through his office door for the umpteenth time that morning.

Rolling my eyes, I turned to a colleague and whispered my annoyance at being treated like an unruly toddler.

We routinely shared these niggles about “he-who-must-be-obeyed”.

We also talked about Julie* being late for the third time that week (set your ruddy alarm and turn up on time like the rest of us mugs) and Melissa twirling her hair whenever senior male colleagues hovered near her desk.

So yes, I have a confession to make: I was an office gossip.

I didn’t realise there was a stigma around such a thing but, according to a recent study at Leeds Business School, people like me are seen as both less competent and moral by their workmates.

Well, I beg to differ.

To me, work gossip is an essential mood-lifter. A safety net.

We were a tight bunch at my last workplace. We had to be.

It was a tough environment where money was tight, stress levels high and redundancies ever imminent.

Gossip was the only thing that got us through.

The kitchen was the place where we huddled together to collectively worry, vent and even, on occasion, to weep.

We worked together, we played together and we moaned together. It was like a family, and I don’t know about your family but mine quibbles. Frequently.

Can we expect work to be any different?

You are crammed into an often open-plan space with 20 people whose company you have not chosen and you either have to get on or get out. It’s prison with Pret A Manger sandwiches. So of course there were arguments and disagreements.

At such a time, gossip is essential to cut tension — far better that you vent quietly to a colleague than go and tell the boss to take a hike.

I had a “work wife” in my last office. I probably knew more about her than her husband did, and certainly spent more time with her than him. Well, awake anyway.

We gossiped about everything — our families and friends, but also about our bosses and other colleagues.

Would I have relayed any of her secrets to anyone else? Well, of course not.

Being a loquacious loudmouth does not mean you’re indiscreet or untrustworthy.

Hair-twirling flirts are worse

Indeed, the Leeds survey admitted that office gossips are “trusted” and being one “can be seen as a hallmark of a wellconnected individual with an extensive social network”.

This is true.

Gossips like me are fun — always up for a laugh, with plenty to say, whether it’s a quick conflab in the corner or a trip to the pub for a catch-up.

Far better to be the office gossip than the office bore, who is so busy talking about themselves that they barely take a breath to consider others.

The office gossip notices things about the people around them, you see.

And I like to think I have helped colleagues thanks to my snooping nose.

I do fear that workplace gossip itself is evolving for the worse.

The same study that suggested gossipers are seen as immoral also highlighted that gossip “is often helpful in uncovering workplace issues that might not be reported through formal channels and can help increase employee morale”.

We had one colleague who was calling another out of the office, saying they were depressed and unhappy.

The two in question weren’t particularly friendly, and if this hadn’t been spoken about to me, albeit very discreetly, I wouldn’t have been able to intervene and suggest counselling.

On another occasion, I was dispatched to a workmate’s house to check on her as she wouldn’t get out of bed and her flatmate was worried about her, quite rightly as it turns out.

So where is the line between gossip and concern?

Did telling me these stories make the people who shared them with me less loyal or moral? More so, I’d say.

Private information was shared, leading to a blurring of the work/life balance, but in both cases my taking an interest in a colleague’s life — whether they liked it or not — had a positive outcome.

It’s not always easy to be in this self-appointed position of power, of course. I was the keeper of many uncomfortable secrets, where I would quite rightly have been sacked if I’d revealed all.

But I will go to my grave with them.

And in less clear-cut cases, I like to think I usually had my colleagues’ best interests at heart.

So I would share a substantial amount of pertinent information, like quietly telling someone it had been noticed they spent too much time internet shopping, but never a confidence and nothing spiteful.

You see, gossip is not necessarily malicious, mean-spirited or scurrilous — and there is a huge difference between being the office gossip and the office bitch.

Traditionally, gossip is seen as a female trait but some of the worst offenders I’ve worked with were men.

Women can be catty, but men’s claws are just as sharp, only they often get away with dismissing their barbs as “banter’.

Way back in the day, we had a curvy girl in one workplace who liked skimpy clothes. I was asked by a male colleague to talk to her about covering up.

Meanwhile, there was another woman in the office with a sylph-like figure who wore spray-on dresses but nothing was said about her.

In that situation, I was very happy to relay the double standard to the other women in the office, who were suitably shocked.

I hope a similar situation wouldn’t happen today.

Office culture is improving in that way, but I do fear that workplace gossip itself is evolving for the worse.

The youngest members of the team in one previous office prided themselves on valuing a positive work environment.

What this meant in practice is that they simply sniped behind their hands about how politically incorrect the rest of us were, while picking at their vegan lunches.

There was a definite and difficult division between us and them.

That’s nothing to the divide that working from home has created, though.

What’s the point of gossiping when people only really connect with their colleagues over the occasional Zoom call?

They barely know one another well enough to gossip at all any more.

You may think that’s good news but, to me, it simply leaves vulnerable members of a team with nobody to vent to, meaning they may suffer a genuine problem in silence.

The office gossip does far more good than harm in situations like this.

The person I’d be most worried about in an office is the one who cosies up to the boss: the flirt, the manipulator.

I’ve seen my fair share. Male and female. They break confidences, both up and down the managerial food chain. Trust them and you trust a snake who’ll stop at nothing to get to the top.

Give me a gossip any day.

* Names have been changed.