Jay Hanna: Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to children’s lack of knowledge about puberty and their bodies

No one likes coming face-to-face with evidence of their own parenting failures. But there was no denying I had let my son down badly, when, after his first growth and development class in year 5, he got into the car looking pale.

“What’s the matter?” I said, staring at his stricken face.

“My nipples are going to start bleeding every month,” he said.

I nearly choked trying to stifle my laughter, which eventually exploded forth disguised as a hybrid cough/sneeze. I know, I’m a terrible person but I was envisioning teeny, tiny self-adhesive sanitary pads.

I quickly reassured my then-10-year-old that he would not be bleeding from his nipples, or any orifice, in 28-day intervals thanks to the fact he was born a boy.

I was waiting for his then-six-year-old sister to pipe up from the backseat but thankfully she kept quiet for once. (We have since had the menstruation talk but I didn’t tell her that she may well bleed from her nipples if she ever breastfeeds — welcome to the double XX chromosome club, kid!)

Once my son — who now laughs at this story and gave his permission for me to share it — relaxed, I asked how he walked out of class so confused. He claimed he wasn’t hiding under his desk with his fingers in his ears but he’s a smart kid with no hearing issues so I’m not convinced.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t blaming the school. It was clear I had erred in my parenting duties by not explaining the body changes he would go through during puberty, but I thought I had more time.

A friend later told me she made a similar mistake and as a result her daughter was horrified to find a pubic hair before she knew to expect them.

Together we laughed about how “back in our day”, we learnt about this stuff by piecing together conversations on the school bus with information gleaned from mates with older siblings then filling in the gaps by deciphering explicit graffiti in public toilets and watching Dallas or Dynasty.

But our kids didn’t catch public transport at that stage and thanks to streaming, we can wait until the kids are in bed before tuning in to Game of Thrones.

But it seems our children weren’t the only ones lacking knowledge about their bodies, puberty and sex.

A recent Curtin University survey of 297 female students with an average age of 15 found more than 60 per cent could not say exactly where the vagina was, and confused the vagina, which is the internal canal that extends from the vulva to the cervix, with the vulva, which is the external genitalia.

To be fair, I would probably have to pause and think about that if the question came up at a quiz night — and I’ve birthed two children.

The survey, conducted by Dr Felicity Roux, also revealed many of the students lacked understanding about menstruation.

Dr Roux said she would like WA schools to improve how reproductive health is taught.

“Unfortunately, our research suggests menstrual health is not a core part of learning at school — single-sex or co-ed, Catholic or independent,” she said.

In WA relationships and sexuality education is mandatory for pre-primary to Year 10 students and is taught as part of the health and physical education curriculum.

However, Dr Roux convincingly argues it would be more appropriate for these topics to be taught by a science teacher, not a sports teacher.

She adds that while it is important for parents to talk to their children about their bodies, they don’t always have the knowledge or answers, which is why it is essential schools get the scientific basics correct.

“Then, ideally, schools and parents would work together,” Dr Roux said. “Thereafter, education should be an ongoing as a series of developmentally appropriate conversations.”

Child health experts warn keeping our kids in the dark about their bodies can be detrimental or even dangerous, putting them at a higher risk of abuse. It also means current abuse is less likely to be picked up.

WA Health provides online resources for parents who are unsure how to broach the subject and encourage using small teachable moments to reinforce age and stage appropriate topics.

Age-appropriate Protective Behaviours education is also mandatory in WA. Schools can elect for this vital program to be taught by the class teacher or enlist Department of Education approved providers with expert trainers.

WA Child Safety Services is one such provider and CEO Julie Gorman said more can always be done to ensure children have a better understanding of their bodies, along with issues like consent and the dangers at play both online and in the real world.

Early access to internet pornography is also having a negative impact on the way teens, particularly boys, think about bodies, sex and relationships. This is particularly concerning given we are in the grips of a domestic violence crisis.

Ms Gorman said online pornography has become a bigger problem than anticipated even five years ago.

“Early exposure to pornography is skewing what normal relationships look like, so it is really important to have those conversations around behaviour and healthy relationships,” she said. “Whether that is at home, at school, in the community, these are conversations we should be having.”

At a press conference this week, Premier Roger Cook said tackling our alarming rates of family and domestic violence was a “huge challenge” because the problem was “so pervasive and large that it’s cultural”.

For cultural change to happen, part of the focus needs to be on educating our impressionable young people.

A good place to start would by expanding the scope of Protective Behaviours, using expert approved providers rather than adding to the burden of class teachers and focusing on issues like respect, consent and healthy relationships.

And as parents, we need to talk to our kids more.