The Ferret: Fremantle Hospital needs major improvements to its CCTV, Dockers memberships are falling, and a Perth MP’s story isn’t good enough

BIG BROTHER AIN’T WATCHING The Ferret takes the happenings of Fremantle very seriously. It’s only right that I do considering I call the pylons under the Freo Traffic Bridge my home. There’s nothing better than sinking a few pints at the Sail and Anchor and then clumsily making my way through town (past Time Zone and Gino’s and maybe a detour to look at the bronze statue of JohnGerovich outside the home of the Bulldogs) belting out my personal rendition of Acca Dacca songs before passing out with exhaustion. Anyway, I digress. The point is that the port city needs a hero and a protector (and it sure as Hells Bells isn’t that leftie mayor Brad Pettitt). So it was with a lot of concern that a source of a source of a source passed on a document this week revealing some major security fears at Fremantle Hospital. The Ferret has learnt that the hospital needs a major improvement to its CCTV system and the Health Department is desperate for help. So much that even the official government tender document concedes the decade-old system is “now unsupported and has a risk of failure”. It goes on to say: “In addition, the storage capability of the current system fails to comply with the legislative compliance.” Whatever that means. In more plainspoken terms, the document also warns: “Interruptions of communication encounter on a weekly basis due to aged infrastructure. Therefore, the current system inadequately services the organisation and stakeholders desirous of intelligence gathered.” TAKING A PUNT Speaking of inadequate services in Freo. As I exposed a few weeks ago, Dockers memberships are less popular than me and more on the nose than the ham I stole from the office Christmas shindig two weeks ago. To recap: The Ferret understands memberships for the boys in purple are down to just 41,000 of the most optimistic punters in the land. Here’s hoping Justin “J-Lo” Longmuir can fire up his new charges and get dual Brownlow medallist and Pilates master Nat Fyfe to start the season with a bang. As an armchair expert on most ball sports, my prediction is that with a couple of quick wins on the board the bandwagon will fill back up again to peak 2018 numbers of 56,000. At least it better, else Optus Stadium, with its 60,000-odd capacity, will be looking more bare than my bank account and moral gauge. So desperate are the poor Dockers the club took to taking a leaf out of Santa’s book and flocked to shopping centres earlier this month to drum up support. The “Fremantle Dockers Pop-Up Shop” was in full swing in the lead-up to Christmas at Westfield Carousel in between the cheap iPhone cases and other knick-knacks no-one ever needs. On offer were mates rates memberships with a bonus hat thrown in, while a couple of players signed autographs. Meanwhile up the road and West Coast are in full membership drive mode. The Eagles — the AFL version of the Freemasons — managed to pull in 10,000 more members last season and are now sitting somewhere north of 90,000 fans. The goal for 2020, according to my moles, is to hit 100,000. NOT GOOD ENOUGH When it comes to tone deaf, there is no one less attune to public sentiment than member for Moore Ian Goodenough. He’s the Liberal Party’s very own George Costanza who, when he isn’t nodding off in the House of Representatives in Canberra, is busy trying to tip off every reporter who’ll listen. The issue is that his idea of a yarn is more like cheap polyester than cashmere. In the midst of the explosive revelations by the CCC about the grubby dealings of former State Upper House Liberal MP Phil Edman, who made national headlines for gross misuse of his electoral allowance on things like sugar babies, strippers and fancy dinners with mates, Goodenough jumped on the blower to a number of journos around town to offer his two cents. “The Phil Edman affair is not as serious as tens of millions of dollars of retirees’ savings being scammed by a current serving senior office bearer of the Liberal Party,” Goodenough said. Turns out Goodenough’s story is not good enough. One Google search and it was discovered his attempted stitch- up was aimed at his alleged political opponents who are almost as anonymous as he is.